Writing Task 1
The (below) chart illustrates (the different type of) various reasons why adults decide to study, (in addition) and who should cover or share the cost of adult education. [Super intro, short and sweet]
(Actually,)Forty percent of them [who?] are of the opinion that most (of) adults study because they are interested in the subject itself (which is the opinion of 40% of them). Whereas very few of them are interested to meet new people. If (you) we compare two of the reasons shown in the chart which are helpful for the current job and (to)for the improvement of prospects of promotion, we find a slight (decrease)(S) between these two reasons. 38% of people indicate that (to gain) acquiring qualification is considered(G)(S) to be the main factor or resason(S) for them.
On the other hand (WC this expression is much overused) why not "In addition"??, the study aslo (S) shows(ed)(you have used present tense in the previous paragraph, therefore the same tense should be used here) how do people think the cost of adult education should be covered. Most of them think that individual should take 40% of this responsiblity, (and)(P) 35 % should be shared and covered (from)(prep) by the employer (as 35%) and (from) the taxpayer (as) should contribute 25%.
In conclusion, (the results mean)(WC) it can be stated that everybody should share (in some certain of view the)(WO) some responisblity (S) (of)for(Prep) adult education.(In conclusion you have just summarised the second paragraph without mentioning anything about the first paragraph)
Amna Al Zaabi
Your first venture is commendable for your initiative.
Task 1 is a description of statistical facts in words.It is not a writer's personal opinion.
The intro should describe 'what', 'when' and 'where'.
Each paragraph of the body should begin with a sentence expressing a general trend, followed by the elaboration of facts and statistics in words.The terms depicting trends and comparison are required for a good task.
The conclusion should summarise the intro and the body of the task.
For the grammatical evaluation of the task, over to Mr.Tony.
Rashid Saleem
Dear Sir,
The chart didn't show the period or the location. Therefore, I could not add them. However, I will try my best in next time. Thanks for your valuable comments. (Amna).
(Actually,)Forty percent of them [who?] are of the opinion that most (of) adults study because they are interested in the subject itself (which is the opinion of 40% of them). Whereas very few of them are interested to meet new people. If (you) we compare two of the reasons shown in the chart which are helpful for the current job and (to)for the improvement of prospects of promotion, we find a slight (decrease)(S) between these two reasons. 38% of people indicate that (to gain) acquiring qualification is considered(G)(S) to be the main factor or resason(S) for them.
On the other hand (WC this expression is much overused) why not "In addition"??, the study aslo (S) shows(ed)(you have used present tense in the previous paragraph, therefore the same tense should be used here) how do people think the cost of adult education should be covered. Most of them think that individual should take 40% of this responsiblity, (and)(P) 35 % should be shared and covered (from)(prep) by the employer (as 35%) and (from) the taxpayer (as) should contribute 25%.
In conclusion, (the results mean)(WC) it can be stated that everybody should share (in some certain of view the)(WO) some responisblity (S) (of)for(Prep) adult education.(In conclusion you have just summarised the second paragraph without mentioning anything about the first paragraph)
Amna Al Zaabi
Your first venture is commendable for your initiative.
Task 1 is a description of statistical facts in words.It is not a writer's personal opinion.
The intro should describe 'what', 'when' and 'where'.
Each paragraph of the body should begin with a sentence expressing a general trend, followed by the elaboration of facts and statistics in words.The terms depicting trends and comparison are required for a good task.
The conclusion should summarise the intro and the body of the task.
For the grammatical evaluation of the task, over to Mr.Tony.
Rashid Saleem
Dear Sir,
The chart didn't show the period or the location. Therefore, I could not add them. However, I will try my best in next time. Thanks for your valuable comments. (Amna).
Dear Amna,
Your effort is appreciable.Keep it up!Keep posting.
Your final performance in the exam. will reflect your practice and hardwork you are doing now.
My comment, about TASK 1, was in general terms.
Luck favours the brave, and you are a brave person.
Rashid Saleem
Indeed a noble effort, Miss Al-Zaabi! I agree with Dr Rashid's comments and applaud your initiative in posting this task 1 (page 31 Cambridge test Book 1)
Super work, Amna and a wonderful example to the rest of the class!
Tony, at work on Christmas Day...
posted by Anonymous at
4:20 pm
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